Let’s get right down to it.
Y’all know I’m an African American woman currently in college. What you might not know is I am asexual. Being asexual, that means I have little to no sexual desire for other people. I used to often get mistaken for a lesbian back in high school because I hadn’t shown much sexual or romantic desire towards the guys in my class. Also, it probably didn’t help that a good amount of my friends were gay, bi, gender non conforming, etc.
I say all this to let you guys know that, as an asexual, it is sometimes difficult for me to express myself or fit in. Like, to be completely honest, it feels like I have to be a whole nother person when conversing with my friends. Not only are almost all of my friends in college sexually active, they like to talk about their boy troubles to me. They like to gush about how hot someone is, they like to talk about sex point blank. While I’m not sex repulsed, I also can’t keep up with these conversations as well as someone who isn’t asexual. To be honest, my feelings fluctuate depending on my mood, and talking more in depth about that should be its own post. However, I just wanted to put how I feel out there.
Asexuality, and how it’s expressed, varies depending on the individual. For me, reading about sex is easier than watching it. I can read erotica with no problem, but viewing porn is no bueno. Talking about sex, the action, is fine. I literally explained what a cock ring was to one of my friends last night, but talking about sex that I could be involved in is uncomfortable. Would I have sex in the future? Maybe, but probably not because the thought of a relationship also makes me rather uncomfortable. It’s a running joke among my friends that, if I got a boyfriend, all I’d do is get him to feed me and then send him home.
Don’t get me wrong, though. For some reason, thinking about celebrities in a sexual way is fine for me, but that’s probably because I know there is no way that could ever happen in my actual, real life. And, I’ve had crushes before, even though nothing ever came to be from them. I’m honestly okay with my asexuality. It doesn’t bother me at all. What does bothers me is having to go home and hear “Do you have a boyfriend?” a billing times and then have them whisper “You got a girlfriend?” Being gay is not an insult, that’s not what I’m saying. I just find it really annoying that they think I must be lying or I must have someone. My grandma asked me if I as still a virgin and when I told her no she rationalized that I probably wouldn’t tell her regardless. While that last part is true, I still don’t like that mindset.
I guess this post is just me ranting, sorry. Asexuality is important to me because it is apart of me. I understand that different sexualities outside of the standard LGBT can get confusing, and to be honest I still have trouble understanding some of them. But, just, maybe, if someone you know says they don’t have a partner, and you know they haven’t had one for a while, maybe don’t assume they’re lying. And, maybe don’t assume their sexuality.